Im missing you

To hold you... too touch you... to talk for a while
To hear you ...to laugh with you... to see your warm smile
To reminise of days gone past.... to remembe the laughs we shared
To have you there to hold me too..and show just how you cared
All of these things i cannot do for you are not with me my whole day through
But Mom your here within my heart and it seems only yesterday that we had to part...love you miss you always your everloving daughter susan

Remembering Alan Smith 1956 - 2010

Its been too long away from blog land and too long i feel i have deserted everyone whom i could in a small way support
and yet again the pain of loosing another loved one has hit home my wonderful brother in law Alan ages 54 diagnosed in March as terminal and through every thing he organised his own funeral the songs the prayers even chose his coffin and he did this with no fuss but with such dignity he was a lovely lad and he will and still is greatly loved and missed by his sister and brothers myself and his nephews and niece being divorced from the family i was unsure if i should go but me ex sister in law hugged me so hard all we could do was hold on so tight so in case the other would fall and even though i went through a harrowing divorce my ex hubbie held me closer than in all the years we had been married perhaps with time we all change and never realise we all can change death has a funny effect on everyone..anger..hurt..dispair..regret and just wishing with all our hearts we could turn back time but sadly we cant we just need to hold on to our memories and to embrace every new day tell our friends we love them and most of all those even closer to you at 54 was no age to suffer the way Alan did but he did it his way and for that Alan i salute you from the heart may angels be sitting at your side as i am sitting here thinking of you a special person in my life ....and if you see my Mum give her the biggest kiss from me as i miss her with all my heart....R.I.P xxxxx love you

Total shock in tears again

Today ihad a delivery...ermm !!!!! not my birthday or anthing special..and it was fresh flowers ...then i read who they were from my eldest sister living in the Isle of Man...now we havent really got on like sisters ever ..even when we were young..and it was only when i read the letter she wanted to give to our Dad before he died my step mother thought it was a awful letter..and thrust it my way....it wasnt a rotton letter..it was her going back to our childhood and the memories of us as a family before we lost our Dad to my stepmother..and her family and as there wasnt anything about her or her family she felt snubbed...well sorry but she never ever accepted her we had good reason..i only tried toget on because i wanted my dad back in my life....but reading her letter it was her way of saying goodbye...shes not one for sentiment and as i read it i felt my heart melt as i didnt realise she cared about any part of our lives...but she did...she never attended my dads funeral.or our Mums.for her own reasons but it became apparant she had missed those years and some of the years that had passed after she left to live on the Isle of Man so i thought id make her a family heritage albulm filled with all the info on ancestors and the like and although it was hard completing it after our Mother died i just wanted to give her some childhood memeories back...i had loads of photos ....and some of the times she never got to know about the birthdays mum had... the holidays we shared i have so many wonderful memories of my Swettest Mum,,,,,and she had little and although it was a very sad time for me i found it a hard road to go down...but for her i managed it just before christmas and sent it to her along with moms locket.....my eldest siter has never shown emotion..but her call on Christmas morning well we were both in tears...she couldnt stop looking at the pages filled with all the photos and very sentimental stuff id gathered for her alot belonging to our Mum......and these stunning flowers were her way of thanking me for the treasured memories i gave her back.......people can change...and boy did i cry when i unwrapped these gorgeous roses......you wont ever read this sandra but i have never stopped loving you..........even through all the upsets your still my sister xx

Viv's Mom

I have known Viv for a couple of years and she was one of my very first buddies on Dc she sent me the funniest emails and through knowing her i have found her a brill friend to have i was saddened to learn that she has lost her darling mum...on the 8th December i wish i'd not been wrapped up so much in my own grief not to have found out sooner so just wanted to say my thoughts and prayers and much love are with you sweetie all my love and hugs sassyxxxx

13-12-08 13-12-09 My Angel a year has passed

Just My words.......................

A rose petal will fall like these tears from my eyes
The pain in my heart no smile can ever disguise
I look at your picture , now blurred from my view
But My memory etched on my last day with you
***********
A snowdrop will bloom again in the spring
Along with daffodils and birds on the wing
They will flit and will flutter from budding new tree's
And time goes around with nature with ease
************
A new day will come and sun shine will break
But my heart all alone will continuesly ache
The love for My Mother so missed by us all
Will be always with me when Autum will fall

So just like that flower your eternal love will grow
So deep, buried with in me
But my tears forever will flow

A year has passed my sweetheart and i miss and long to hug you and hold you close and give a kiss to dad too

i remain your everloving daughter susan xxxxxxxxxxxxx R.I.P nite nite both of you xxx

Remembering My Angel

Today i recieved in the post the tiny paper christmas decoration to write in memory of my Mum from our funeral directors i noticed when arranging my mums funeral for christmas eve i looked a the lovely rememberance christmas tree...ive not too been too bad till the letter arrived and i want to write something on it to go there and hang it in her memory ....and for the first time in my life im stuck...i just cant find the words......i feel in sinking again and as her year anniversary is looming 13th December in so terribly sad......and feal so lonely....its going to be a hard christmas but not just for me..and i wish with all my heart i could help ease others suffering too...but i feel useless...al i can say to any one reading this is i do know what you all must be feeling and all i can send is a gentle hug....to you all

My leap into the unknown ..Welcome

This is my leap into the unknown...its a place to come each and everyone to share those times when lifes getting you down..to let go of emotions..to say what perhaps you cannot say else where to tell a loved one passed they are still in your heart and your thoughts The only thing i ask of you is to keep this for the intentions it has been created not to abuse it and defile it but to grow and love it with the love it has been created respect it please don't misuse it...let us grow together share are love share our emotions do and say what you feel and if lifes a bitch..then lets kick it we are only human and along many paths we travel in different directions yet we all still can learn from each other and remember your not alone.

Over the next few months there hopfully will be support if you need it taken from others

there will be poems times to reflect

happy memories you want to share

all ideas to make this a happy contented home

will be your home to come and leave your thought your prayers

or just have a tantrum

remember though to respect your voice as not to offend

remeber too we all need to be heard

we all are here but once

but you will not walk alone

love guide you

hugs sassyx